By Beatrice Codianni
On June 18, Good Morning America aired a segment on Rielle Hunter’s forthcoming memoir, purchased in advance by the Associated Press, and quoted a passage from it. Shortly before he was indicted, Hunter asked John Edwards, her lover, “So if you went to jail, what kind of jail would it be? One of those country clubs? John Edwards is quoted as replying, “Yeah.”
Sorry to burst your bubble folks, but there is no sucht thing as a country club jail, or prison. Hunter, and apparently Edwards, is like many other Americans who succumbed to the “country club prison” myth. Those who have been to prison generally report a different scenario. Even in prison “camps” a person is told when to eat, sleep, wake up, use the telephone, shower, have visits, or when they can go home, either by walking out after a sentence is completed, or in a box, if one dies while incarcerated.
In prison medical treatment is often lacking. Suicide is prevalent. When was the last time anyone heard of a riot at a country club? How many country club members fashion homemade weapons for protection from other members?
For the misinformed, the following are examples of some of the differences between a country club and a prison.
Country Club: You are greeted warmly upon arrival. Your glittering jewelry and fine clothing is admired.
Prison: You are greeted with an order to strip, lift up your scrotum (or breasts) spread your buttock cheeks, squat and cough. Your glittering jewelry and fine clothing are confiscated.
Country Club: Any prescribed medicine can be safely stored for your use.
Prison: Any prescribed medicine that is brought in is disposed of and replaced with generic brands, if at all, after a perfunctory medical exam.
Country Club: You dress as you chose in fashionable clothing.
Prison: You are given used uniforms to wear. If you are lucky, they actually may actually fit properly. You are not allowed to altar your uniforms.
Country Club: You are offered delicious, well-prepared meals to eat at your leisure.
Prison: You are offered unpalatable slop and told when you can eat it. You must gobble it down in 15 minutes. Or try to.
Country Club: You are surrounded by comfortable, tastefully appointed chairs and chaise loungers to relax on.
Prison: You are surrounded by uncomfortable plastic and metal chairs, and mattresses that are a few inches thick and most likely soiled. Ditto for the pillows, sheets, pillowcases and blanket.
Country Club: You can choose with whom you wish to surround yourself.
Prison: You are assigned a “Bunkie” with whom you will share a tiny living space, either in a cell or a dorm cubicle, for the duration of your stay, or until violence on the part of one of you causes a separation. Mutual likes and dislikes are not considered when assigning living quarters.
Country Club: Bathrooms are private and nicely designed. Bidets and plush toilet tissue are the norm.
Prisons: A stainless steel toilet/sink combination is often located inside the cell, where privacy is non-existent. Toilet seats are not provided for the stainless steel models. Bathrooms outside a cell or dorm usually do not have locks on the stall. Toilet paper is of the cheapest and thinnest variety. In many prisons you are given two rolls to last the whole week.
Country Club: If you commit an infraction of the rules you may be chastised, have your membership suspended, or even revoked.
Prison: If you commit an infraction of the rules you may be sent to the Segregated Housing Unit (SHU), a prison within a prison. Depending on the severity of the infraction you can be lightly sanctioned, or be ineligible for an early release. You might also incur an additional sentence.
Country Club: You are waited on by friendly staff.
Prison: You are demeaned by staff, and there is no waitstaff to take your (very limited) meal choice in the chow line.
Country Club: You are allowed to bring guests.
Prison: You are allowed carefully screened visitors whom you cannot touch after the initial kiss/hug. An immediate family member can be denied a visit for having a criminal record that dates back decades.
Country Club: You await your guests with joyful anticipation.
Prison: You await your visitors with apprehension, wondering if your visit will be cut short due to an overcrowded visiting room, or if they can afford to travel to visit you hundreds of miles from home.
Country Club: Your guests are treated with the upmost courtesy by the staff.
Prison: Your visitors are treated courteously by some guards, and unprofessional, and downright mean, by others.
Country Club: After a visit you have the option of walking out with your guests.
Prison: After a visit you say a tearful good-bye and stay put until your visitor is escorted out, and are then are taken to the “strip room” where you are strip-searched and made to go through the “squat and cough” routine.
Country Club: The landscaping is beautiful and lush.
Prison: The landscaping is often bare and dotted with barbed wire and ugly brick walls.
Country Club: The staff does all the work, and are paid relatively well.
Prison: You do all the work and are paid 12 cents an hour.
Country Club: After a work-out in a state-of-the-art gym, you can take a relaxing shower or sauna in a well appointed area.
Prison: After working out with old and often broken equipment that may or may not be replaced, you may be allowed to take a shower, if the shower room is open. You are careful to avoid touching the germ-infested shower curtain (if indeed there is one) with your body, or the floor without the protection of shower shoes. At least one federal female facility is well known for the annual influx of drain fly larva inching their way across the shower room.
Country Club: You can watch wide-screen televisions or use your smart-phone or tablet.
Prison: You can watch television, but only a show that the majority of prisoners want to see. Some prisons allow inmates to buy a small, basic TV, but not all can afford one. Tablets and cell phones are prohibited, but you are allowed to call home collect, at a high rate, or pay for your phone calls yourself, providing you have money in your commissary account to do so.
Country Club: You are free to purchase items, often emblazoned with the club’s name, in the country club shop. Or, you may leave the club and go to the mall or other retail shops to make purchases.
Prison: You are allowed to make commissary purchases once a week, after filing out a commissary sheet, in some state prisons up to a week in advance. If you forget to add an item, tough luck. Your purchase options are extremely limited. Your institutional clothing is emblazoned with the initials of the correctional facility, or identification tags with your name and number are ironed on to them.
Country Club: You are invited to join.
Prison: You are indicted to “join.”
Country Club: You pay a hefty price to join.
Prison: You a heftier price to join; a loss of freedom and long lasting collateral consequences.
Country Club: Membership comes with rewards and prestige.
Prison: “Membership” comes with stigmatization and disgrace
A person is sent to prison as punishment, not to be further punished, as is often the case. Prison is a cold, harsh, sterile, environment where individuality is left at the gate before entering. It is not a joke. It is not soft. It is not enjoyable. It is not a country club.
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